


I am Stronger then all my men (except for you baby)

by Herinke



Series: The Documentation of Arinina Maironiel [3]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arinina doesn't really understand how abusive and bad things are, Celebrimbor Has Issues, Celebrimbor sweetie I am so sorry, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fem! Tyelpe, Gaslighting, Genderbending, Infanticide, Sauron and Arinina have issues with extreme emotions, Suicidal Thoughts (implied), implied infantcide, sauron has issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 14:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herinke/pseuds/Herinke
Summary: Things are falling apart quickly, And Arinina has no idea what to do or how to fix it. ( She just knows she loves her parents a bit too much)-They are on the tip of a knife; the tip of falling off the edge and into oblivion, into the void, and into hell
Relationships: Celebrimbor I Telperinquar & Arinina (OC), Celebrimbor | Telperinquar/Sauron | Mairon, Sauron I Mairon & Arinina (oc)
Series: The Documentation of Arinina Maironiel [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898329
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	I am Stronger then all my men (except for you baby)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [高塔之囚](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745012) by [LandBelowTheWind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LandBelowTheWind/pseuds/LandBelowTheWind). 



> This is not beta- read, so if you see mistakes its on me lol! This also is not chronologically written, so this event happens way way into the future! I don't think any of her story will be written chronologically... Also! read the tags please! this is a pretty darkish fic.

" You killed her, You killed her!" 

Arinina woke up with a start, her golden curls bouncing up as she sat up on her bed. It wasn't unusual to be woken up to cries and howls in Barad-dur; whether it was attendents begging for mercy from temperamental higher ups or orcs and their nasally language . It was more unusual for complete silence to take hold. 

The voice howled again," Don't lie to me! You Murdered her! You killed her!"

The voice was hysterical and high pitched, a woman. Arinina cocked her head to listen as they wailing went on, trying to place the voice. No orcs could scream that high nor clearly, Their words and the language was garbled by their Thick tongues.

So that leaves a Human then: an Attendant. She frowned to herself. But that didn't really sound right, She knew what Human screams sound like. this was too musical. Swinging over the side of the bed, Arinina put her foot down gingerly on the floor, its coldness seeping into her warm form. The cries were more interesting to investigate then staying in her warm bed, so she pushed herself up, grabbed a shawl and went towards the door. 

"Was this the scream of a traitor in their midst? Did Father catch them?" 

At that Arinina Frowned. Human traitors weren't unheard of, but they were mostly far and few in-between. Once they were persuaded to her Father's side they stayed. ( out of fright or reason Arinina really couldn't say, though she leaned towards reason.) 

Unlocking the door Arinina peeked out, looking down the long hallway that held the important members of their household. The Hallway was empty, as the Beings that could sleep slept and the higher beings did their nightly tasks, eyes aglow in the dark. The servants were not even out, it seemed to be too early to start the fires in the hall. The Fine tapestries hanging on the wall seemed to close in on everything, guarding and whispering secrets to each other in the night while everyone else was asleep. Arinina shivered and threw those thoughts out from her mind; deciding to focus on the fact that the screaming had not stop. 

In fact, quite annoyingly being out in the hallway seemed to amplify the screaming. The screaming and howling was nothing but garbled words thrown carelessly out, a bunch of nothings that were not in fact actual words. They bounced off the walls and soaked into the tapestries. No attendants nor Generals came running to see what was wrong, The cries went unheeded by everyone.

Stepping out of her bedroom and walking slowly into the hallway, She rested her Hand on the wall, taking comfort in the crevices and bumps under her fingertips, though they were ridiculously cold.

Her footsteps echoed around her, as she passed the tapestries one by one, following the screaming as they became louder and louder, though still garbled. Her heart sped up as she realized what room it was coming from. It was the room she went to when she was troubled, or lonely or just needed to be around someone. 

Her Mother has been on bedrest ever since she gave birth a few days ago to her Sister.

Heart in her throat, she ran without thinking, without caring that anyone could hear here, that it was after hours. Not caring at all that this is considered a " Personal" matter.

At the end of the hallway she turned right, then ran up a stair case that hugged the right side of the wall, a path she has taken for the last fifty years, a well known and well trodden path that she could have walked blinded. The door to her Mother's room was ajar and Arinina Flung it open, Barely registering nor caring that the door flung off its hinges in her hurry. 

"Mother!" 

Her Mother sat on the floor near her bed next to the cradle, she held a purple bundle in her arms, cradling it as she wailed, tightening her grip on them when she saw Arinina in the door way. Her hands were red from gripping so hard, her nightgown in disarray, unbuttoned and showing her pale breast and shoulder. Her black hair was unbound and flying everywhere. Arinina barely recognized her own Mother, and their was barely recognition in her feral grey eyes as she looked upon her own daughter is despair as she wailed consistently, first going to deep lows then whistling highs. The wooden cradle so loving carved by her own Father ( A cradle Arinina realized with a start that was once hers) with swirls and soft edges was toppled over. 

Arinina stood in the doorway stupefied as she tried to process what her eyes were showing her. 

Her Father stood away from her Mother near the only window, on the far side of the room, like an outsider looking in.

" Ah, see what you've done Tyelpie? You've woken your daughter up with your unnecessary wailing." Mairon looked at Arinina, and tutted, disapproving of her presence. 

" Your Mother seems to think I killed your Sister" He said conversationally. Arinina couldn't bring herself to reply. She knew her Mother was telling the truth. 

" You did!" Tyelpie croaked out, her voice still raw from the screaming. "You did!" 

" It wasn't my fault! I did her a favor anyways!" Mairon strode up to stand in front of her mother, who became despondent, her wails quieter now. She looked at him with wide eyes, her usually expressive eyes shuttered against a too bright sky. Arinina had to stop herself from going over to push him away from her Mother. Instead she walked over to meet her Father, head held up high so she could meet his gaze. Gold eyes rested on brown for a moment, before nodding and sitting in front of her Mother.

" I am not sure why you are so upset, Is Arinina not enough?" Mairon nodded up to her and her Mother's eyes followed silent.

Mairon put a hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently before bringing both hands up to her face, cupping in gently with his strong calloused hands. He was trying Gentleness on like it was a new robe. Though it did work, Arinina watched as her Mother stopped wailing, and leaned into her Father's touch, though the Feral gleam still shone in her eyes.

"Am I not enough for you? This child was unnecessary; you would have had less time to spend with Arinina and I, You wouldn't want that would you?" 

Tyelpie slowly shook her head, Her grip on the Blankets softening. The tiny pale face that peeked out from the warmth of the blankets was blue and purple, her eyes and bow lips peaceful looking and soft. She looked like she had died happy, cradled her her Mother's arms, and only knowing the warmth and love of those arms.

Arinina tried to shove down the distaste of the baby down, like the bile that was currently trying to rise up her throat. It was silly to be angry at a baby. Arinina wouldn't have minded someone else to love. ( She shoved down the distaste even further, locking it up in her mind in the lowest levels. She stood above them as her Father stroked her Mother's cheek gently. But the bile still rose up, and Arinina could feel everything at once; The feel of the stone under her feet, the loathing that threatens to rise up ever so often, love for her Mother and Father. But most terrifying of all, was the creeping monster of resentment. 

She backed slowly away from the scene as her Father started to croon to her Mother in a language she didn't understand, voice silky smooth, rubbing his thumbs gently on her face as she cried.

There would be no more wailing tonight. 

The door to her Mother's room was unsalvageable, propped up gently against the wall whence it broke.. Stepping over the threshold, she walked slowly out the hall, and down the stairs. She leaned against the wall and breathed in deeply, shutting her eyes. The air out here seemed fresher, which was silly, she thought, still breathing heavily against the wall. "The air is the same as it was in Mother's room." 

No it wasn't.

Suddenly she couldn't take it. The air seemed heavy around her, and with a gasp ran. She ran past the gossiping tapestries, past the maid in black ( It felt too much like a funeral dress) She didn't ( couldn't) stop until she made it to her room, Locking the door, and sat upon her bed, knees tucked in.

( she didn't sleep at all that night)

**Author's Note:**

> I am thinking about making an email or Tumblr for this whole series! I plan for this to be quite long anyhow. I could use it to answer questions and maybe get inspiration for clothes, face claims ect! what do y'all think?


End file.
